Whānau

Pronounced “FAH-now”, this Maori word means extended family. After spending any time in New Zealand or simply consuming Kiwi media, one immediately learns the importance of whānau in all aspects of life. It is so prevalent that it was the first Maori word we learned (after the ubiquitous greeting “kia ora.”) School websites prioritize engagement of whānau, and enrollment paperwork includes a large section asking for names and relationships of the people in a child’s life. In hospitals, visitor limits are much higher than in the U.S. to accommodate the whānau, who also are included in patient decision-making.

Family is also a defining element of life in the U.S. Many Americans say they would love to move to New Zealand but could never leave their family. The majority of Americans who move back from New Zealand say they did so because of aging parents. We have been blessed with an extensive network of both blood relatives and chosen families. How then, could we make the agonizing decision to leave all of that behind?

Grandma and Little Brother at Disneyland

In essence, we aren’t. While the geographical distance may be greater, our relationships will not change. Our whānau knows that this move is what our nuclear family needs. They trust us to make tough decisions and they support us in doing so. The roots of our family are strong, and we have been raised to create our own lives. Grandma repeatedly confirms, “You’re doing the right thing.” Grandpa muses, “Hell, maybe we’ll move to the Caribbean.” A dear friend who is best friends with his South African cousins despite being raised in the western U.S. says, “The most important people weren’t always there, and it was ok.”

The FaceTime calls will be more frequent, and the in-person visits will be sweeter. We will desperately miss the impromptu Friday night barbecues with our favorite people and the ability to schedule a random sleepover for the kids at Grandpa’s. With time, though, we will build a new network of chosen whānau in New Zealand. And we look forward to introducing them to you when you visit next. 🩷