Childhood

One of our reasons for moving to New Zealand was to gift our kids with a more relaxed childhood. While we’ve only been here a month, here are some of the comparisons we’ve made thus far.

Risk

We frequently murmur, “This would never happen in the U.S.” And we love it. Playgrounds feel more dangerous, but children learn to explore and play within their limits. Small children cross intersections by themselves. This week, during school hours, the 6th and 7th graders learned to kayak and sail: they were given a life jacket, 30 seconds of instruction, and then set loose at the bay inlet of the Pacific Ocean. Similarly, Little Brother’s class walked to the city pool today for some swim + slide time. No one asked if he can swim, no permission forms were signed.

Language

Kiwi kids swear. A lot. In front of adults, at school, in the home… Luckily we’ve been preparing our kids for this moment.

Friendship

In the U.S., our sons enjoyed an idyllic childhood, with packs of well-behaved boys roaming the neighborhood on scooter and bike. They would trek from house to house, picking up friends, venturing to a nearby convenience store for junk food or to a playground for organic play. The parents would often receive a group text: “If my son is at your house, can you send him home for dinner please?”

While we are still learning the norms here, it appears that organized athletics and scheduled play dates are the means of socializing here. Little Brother has encountered friends at the skate park a few times, and we spent a fun semi-spontaneous afternoon with a colleague’s son over the weekend. We are blessed to have American neighbors up the road who love to knock on the door and ask if our boys want to play. But it seems as though we will need to find some standing extracurricular activities to round out their friend groups.

Feedback and Supervision

During the sailing lessons, Dad noticed the glaring absence of cheerleading from adults. Not a single “Almost!… You’ve got it!… Good job!” to be heard. The adults gave instructions, the kids followed them, and the kids knew they did a “good job” when the boat went where it was supposed to go. There is a theory that too much praise can cause anxiety and inhibit future success, so we’re here for it.

Though we haven’t participated in an organized sport yet, we have heard that the sidelines are alarmingly quiet in comparison to the U.S. Parents are busy chatting with each other rather than cheering on every errant kick and missed shot. Children don’t feel the pressure of the spotlight and can focus on having fun instead.

School

There are many primary schools in town, which are the U.S. equivalent of a K-8 (except high school lasts 5 years here and starts with 8th grade.) Some in Timaru are private Catholic, most are public, and all wear uniforms. They attend from 9a to 3p, which includes 70 minutes of recess time. Walking/scootering to school is ubiquitously common, and not always with parental supervision. Only one school in town is known for issuing homework (not ours.) Field trips are so common that parents often don’t know that their kids were off site that day: tech lessons on another campus, sailing and kayaking practice in the bay, science roadshow, swimming lessons… Lots of extracurricular learning!

American students often find that they are a bit ahead for their grade when they move to New Zealand, which is fine by us. We didn’t want our boys to struggle with academic learning AND social adaptation upon arrival. And though we didn’t routinely perseverate on the risks of school shootings in the U.S., something feels lighter and more joyful when we drop them off these days.